In my day job I talk with people who are upset before I say a single word. When money is involved, voices go up fast, and the pull to match them is strong. Someone gets loud, and every part of you wants to get loud too, just to be heard.

Here is the tool I use: lower your voice one notch.

Not a whisper, and not a performance. Just a little slower, a little quieter, a little lower than the person in front of you. If they are at a seven, I go to a five.

It helps for two reasons. First, people tend to follow the tone they are given. A steady voice gives them something to settle against, while a matching voice tells them the fight is on. Second, your own body follows your voice. When you slow your speech, your breathing slows with it, and your pounding heart gets the message that nothing here is an emergency.

It does not always work. Some people stay loud no matter what. That is fine, because you are no longer trying to win. You are only trying to stay someone you will not have to apologize for later.

The same idea works in writing. When a message gets heated, shorter sentences and plain words are the written version of a lower voice.

Try it in your next tense conversation: one notch slower, one notch quieter, and watch what happens to the room.

Find more tools like this in How to Stop Reacting to Everything: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HHRVMNXC